Contd Chapter 56
Gargi breathed in deeply. She said, "Shakalya and I were objects of experiment for each other. There was a war of attrition between us. We devised strategies to subdue each other, a game in which none wanted to yield, each wanted to enslave the other. We both had mastered the game of love. The victory belonged to me, and thereafter I never did forgo my power over men. Shakalya turned into an avowed slave. I ruled over his body and mind."
"I was the power behind his manifest audacity at the conference of sages held here in Videha. Everyone, including himself, took it to be knowledge of metaphysics. Only I knew what it was worth. But he was my protege, my vassal. I was taking a vicarious pleasure in aiming my missiles at you through him. With the failure of each missile I came to admire you, and at the same time, came to despise Shakalya. You blasted both of us, but with different results for both."
"Shakalya was mortified, confounded, and I was furious. The entire assembly had turned into stone, petrified."
Yajnyawalkya listened with the detachment of a physician. Gargi too, was recounting the past as if she was digging out a lost narrative, the language of which was alien to her.
She continued, "That night was terrible for both of us. Shakalya wanted to drown his mortification in the act of love. I repulsed him. I was drawn to you as if you were my destiny. Shakalya sensed it. Nothing was hidden between us. What happened thereafter, I mean, Shakalya's end as predicted and visualized by you, petrified everyone. Shakalya is no more. But I was caught in a war between envy and attraction. There was something sublime and sacred in you which would not leave me in peace. I wanted to grasp it, appropriate it, and make it my own."
Gargi stopped. All this while, she was talking to herself, refusing to look at Yajnyawalkya. She looked at him fearfully now, and asked, "Do you despise me now?" Yajnyawalkya said, "No."
"But you will not love me either." she said.
"I did not love the Gargi with whom you identify yourself. I loved the divinity that had incarnated in you, for a brief period, in spite of yourself when you wanted to be loved," said Yajnyawalkya.
Gargi said, "Is it not possible for me to acquire that divinity again?'
Yajnyawalkya said,"It cannot be acquired."
Gargi was without consolation. She said, "Will I not see it then?"
Yajnyawalkya did not reply.
"Why are you holding back from me the heart of knowledge?" she asked.
"You will not be able to withstand knowledge," he said.
"Maybe I am not ready for it yet; but I want to be strong enough to withstand it. Show me the way." she said.
Yajnyawalkya said, "Have faith in yourself. Faith will bring light on your path; light will bring certainty."
"And after certainty what?" asked Gargi.
Yajnyawalkya said, "Emancipation. Your attachment to Yajnyawalkya was an obsession."
"What is the difference between obsession and devotion?" she asked.
Yajnyawalkya said, "It is the difference between the blazing fire and a lamp. The fire is not quenched by offering; it devours and demands more."
"And what is a lamp?"
"A lamp takes as much as is necessary for its light," said Yajnyawalkya.
Gargi was silent for a while. She said, "True, I was not content to be a lamp. I wanted the world to see and acknowledge that Gargi alone can shine among women. Gargi alone claimed the right to own Yajnyawalkya."
Yajnyawalkya said, "A time was when you had almost done it. But it was the divinity in you that returned once again; maybe in the form of pride, apparently. You opened my eyes by closing the door on me when I had come to you to make an offering of myself."
to be contd
Gargi breathed in deeply. She said, "Shakalya and I were objects of experiment for each other. There was a war of attrition between us. We devised strategies to subdue each other, a game in which none wanted to yield, each wanted to enslave the other. We both had mastered the game of love. The victory belonged to me, and thereafter I never did forgo my power over men. Shakalya turned into an avowed slave. I ruled over his body and mind."
"I was the power behind his manifest audacity at the conference of sages held here in Videha. Everyone, including himself, took it to be knowledge of metaphysics. Only I knew what it was worth. But he was my protege, my vassal. I was taking a vicarious pleasure in aiming my missiles at you through him. With the failure of each missile I came to admire you, and at the same time, came to despise Shakalya. You blasted both of us, but with different results for both."
"Shakalya was mortified, confounded, and I was furious. The entire assembly had turned into stone, petrified."
Yajnyawalkya listened with the detachment of a physician. Gargi too, was recounting the past as if she was digging out a lost narrative, the language of which was alien to her.
She continued, "That night was terrible for both of us. Shakalya wanted to drown his mortification in the act of love. I repulsed him. I was drawn to you as if you were my destiny. Shakalya sensed it. Nothing was hidden between us. What happened thereafter, I mean, Shakalya's end as predicted and visualized by you, petrified everyone. Shakalya is no more. But I was caught in a war between envy and attraction. There was something sublime and sacred in you which would not leave me in peace. I wanted to grasp it, appropriate it, and make it my own."
Gargi stopped. All this while, she was talking to herself, refusing to look at Yajnyawalkya. She looked at him fearfully now, and asked, "Do you despise me now?" Yajnyawalkya said, "No."
"But you will not love me either." she said.
"I did not love the Gargi with whom you identify yourself. I loved the divinity that had incarnated in you, for a brief period, in spite of yourself when you wanted to be loved," said Yajnyawalkya.
Gargi said, "Is it not possible for me to acquire that divinity again?'
Yajnyawalkya said,"It cannot be acquired."
Gargi was without consolation. She said, "Will I not see it then?"
Yajnyawalkya did not reply.
"Why are you holding back from me the heart of knowledge?" she asked.
"You will not be able to withstand knowledge," he said.
"Maybe I am not ready for it yet; but I want to be strong enough to withstand it. Show me the way." she said.
Yajnyawalkya said, "Have faith in yourself. Faith will bring light on your path; light will bring certainty."
"And after certainty what?" asked Gargi.
Yajnyawalkya said, "Emancipation. Your attachment to Yajnyawalkya was an obsession."
"What is the difference between obsession and devotion?" she asked.
Yajnyawalkya said, "It is the difference between the blazing fire and a lamp. The fire is not quenched by offering; it devours and demands more."
"And what is a lamp?"
"A lamp takes as much as is necessary for its light," said Yajnyawalkya.
Gargi was silent for a while. She said, "True, I was not content to be a lamp. I wanted the world to see and acknowledge that Gargi alone can shine among women. Gargi alone claimed the right to own Yajnyawalkya."
Yajnyawalkya said, "A time was when you had almost done it. But it was the divinity in you that returned once again; maybe in the form of pride, apparently. You opened my eyes by closing the door on me when I had come to you to make an offering of myself."
to be contd
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