Artabhaga was watching her expectantly. he would have gladly slipped out at that moment to let her face herself. He silently asked to be forgiven for causing her agitation. She was agitated, to be sure.
She said, "Abandon Yajnyawalkya? How can I?You could as well have asked if I had abandoned my breath!"
Artabhaga said, "If I have heard you right, you had a grudge that Yajnyawalkya has answers for everyone except you. If I say that Yajnyawalkya is seeking an answer from you, what would you say?"
Maitreyi made no reply. Her silence was pulsating with a deep understanding of herself. She looked up at Artabhaga. He could not make out if it was gratitude, diffidence, distrust, or all of these, reflected in her eyes.
She said, "He had no questions. That was what made him what he was. People called it knowledge."
Artabhaga aondered whether she spoke out o distrust. He asked, "Do you not think that those who have have no questios? Or, is it not that those who ask no questions, find the path to knowledge?"
Maitreyi reflected on it. Artabhaga was speaking more to himself than to her. The question was asked in the context of Yajnyawalkya, but had grown larger than its context. Artabhaga regretted being so incisive, especially at a moment when she was wavering betwen denial of the self and recognition of what what she was : to herself and to Yajnyawalkya! Probablyshe had come to him to recover the truth she had lost about herself which was now perhaps beyond hope of recovery. Somehow, he was not able to strike the right chord.
He said, "I am sorry to pose the question in this abstruse manner. Please ignore what I said. There is a vast difference in our world of experiences. You have seen Yajnyawalkya's 'aloneness'; I have seen his strength. In fact, his strength is rooted in his 'aloneness' "
Maitreyi said, "What you see as his strength, is something I have seen from the inside."
After a pause sh said, "He has been harsh to himself."
Artabhaga said, "Do not let him be hash to himself, both to himself and to the world. He wants your answer, but does not state the question."
Artabhaga did not say what he really wanted to say :"For his sake, give up your pride. On his part, it is not pride which is restraining him from asking for love. He is holding himself back from the most precious gift that life is holding out to him."
What Artabhaga could bring himself to say was , "Maybe, it's his way of doing penance."
Maitreyi was hurt as if she had heard him pronounce a verdict. She said, "Penance? Why should he be penitent? For the sake of those who would wound themselves because they could not wound him? Or for the sake of those who would not let him be his own self because they could not find their own?"
Artabhaga was struck by her fury. He realized the futility of having to use language when what they really needed was to listen to each other's meaning hidden behind the spoken word.
He said, "Yajnyawalkya needs to etreat. Why don't you understand? You are bound to him by the same chord of life which runs though his soul. You know it full well. You know very well that if it comes to it, he can sustain himself without you or without anyone for that matter. But his aloneness will not bring him strength this time, if he retreats wiyhout you."
Maitreyi covered her face. The space seemed to close in on her. With every breath she was being enveloped by the living presence of Yajnyawalkya.
The river widened its expanse and broke the dam. The river had to found its path.
Artabhaga got up quietly and left her to herself.
She said, "Abandon Yajnyawalkya? How can I?You could as well have asked if I had abandoned my breath!"
Artabhaga said, "If I have heard you right, you had a grudge that Yajnyawalkya has answers for everyone except you. If I say that Yajnyawalkya is seeking an answer from you, what would you say?"
Maitreyi made no reply. Her silence was pulsating with a deep understanding of herself. She looked up at Artabhaga. He could not make out if it was gratitude, diffidence, distrust, or all of these, reflected in her eyes.
She said, "He had no questions. That was what made him what he was. People called it knowledge."
Artabhaga aondered whether she spoke out o distrust. He asked, "Do you not think that those who have have no questios? Or, is it not that those who ask no questions, find the path to knowledge?"
Maitreyi reflected on it. Artabhaga was speaking more to himself than to her. The question was asked in the context of Yajnyawalkya, but had grown larger than its context. Artabhaga regretted being so incisive, especially at a moment when she was wavering betwen denial of the self and recognition of what what she was : to herself and to Yajnyawalkya! Probablyshe had come to him to recover the truth she had lost about herself which was now perhaps beyond hope of recovery. Somehow, he was not able to strike the right chord.
He said, "I am sorry to pose the question in this abstruse manner. Please ignore what I said. There is a vast difference in our world of experiences. You have seen Yajnyawalkya's 'aloneness'; I have seen his strength. In fact, his strength is rooted in his 'aloneness' "
Maitreyi said, "What you see as his strength, is something I have seen from the inside."
After a pause sh said, "He has been harsh to himself."
Artabhaga said, "Do not let him be hash to himself, both to himself and to the world. He wants your answer, but does not state the question."
Artabhaga did not say what he really wanted to say :"For his sake, give up your pride. On his part, it is not pride which is restraining him from asking for love. He is holding himself back from the most precious gift that life is holding out to him."
What Artabhaga could bring himself to say was , "Maybe, it's his way of doing penance."
Maitreyi was hurt as if she had heard him pronounce a verdict. She said, "Penance? Why should he be penitent? For the sake of those who would wound themselves because they could not wound him? Or for the sake of those who would not let him be his own self because they could not find their own?"
Artabhaga was struck by her fury. He realized the futility of having to use language when what they really needed was to listen to each other's meaning hidden behind the spoken word.
He said, "Yajnyawalkya needs to etreat. Why don't you understand? You are bound to him by the same chord of life which runs though his soul. You know it full well. You know very well that if it comes to it, he can sustain himself without you or without anyone for that matter. But his aloneness will not bring him strength this time, if he retreats wiyhout you."
Maitreyi covered her face. The space seemed to close in on her. With every breath she was being enveloped by the living presence of Yajnyawalkya.
The river widened its expanse and broke the dam. The river had to found its path.
Artabhaga got up quietly and left her to herself.
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