On Renunciation : A Post By Fabien Todescato : Posted on Apr 29 2015

 

 

Sushama Karnik

Shared privately  -  Apr 29, 2015

Fabien Todescato originally shared:

 

On Renunciation

https://soundcloud.com/fabien-todescato/2014-07-07-dhammaruwan-holding-the-dhamma#t=45:03

I can tell you something, about... Many years ago, I used to travel a lot and come home only for about... travel for about two three months abroad, and come home, partly practicing meditation, and learning, with my teacher and then I come home for some time. And my son, he was about..., now he is sixteen, but at that time he was about eight years old. So I come home after some time and he comes and hangs around me and I'm working with my computer, so he comes and he looks at me and looks at the computer, and looks at me and then he says, (this time I became a monk, I took temporary ordination and I came home), so, he says,

'Dad, why did you become a monk ?'
then I said 'Well, that's part of my training, and being a monk is a great thing for you are a full time meditator, you don't do any as the other layman, when you meditate a little and then you forget. That's full time practice. So I want to do that.'
'Does that mean you will become a permanent monk ?'
Then I said 'Yes, I might become a permanent monk also.'
And then he said 'Does that mean that you have to leave me ? Can I come with you ?'
'No, you can't come. I go alone, and that' s something that you do not.'
And each time I said that he became sadder and sadder, and I did notice that, and I felt so sorry, because he was now asking :
'If you become a monk, does that mean you leave me, you leave my sister, and you leave mama, everybody ?'
And I said 'Yes, I mean you can't take everybody to become a monk....'
And now I am feeling so sorry, and I am also feeling sad, and he is also feeling sad, and finally I said :
'Son, don't worry... I will not become a monk... Right ? I won't become a monk.'
And when I said that he looked even more sad, and he then turned to me and he said :
'Daddy it's Okay, if you want to become a monk you become a monk. If that's wha you like...'
Then I said after some back and forth I said 'Okay then I'll become a monk.'
Then he said 'Are you sure ?'
I said 'Yes I am sure...'

...then he said 'Then, if you become a monk, can I have your laptop ?'

Picture The Buddha and his son Rahula

a and his son Rahula

you,
the jungle longing to escape
for some exotic location
both inside you and
outside you at the same time.
things kept dissolving and
leaking through your skin.
(I opened a can of pineapple chunks
and ate the entire contents of the can
thinking how long it had been since
I had eaten pineapple.)
where was I....
the blue hour arrives
finding myself before a mirror,
liking the face I see looking
back at me.
the
end.

Gliding in the Shades of Grey

Glide in the shades of grey

The grey is never a colour to me;
it's the warmth of a cloud when it hides
the scorching sun in its stride.
It is the teasing gesture of an old child
still hiding somewhere in the wilds.
It's a gentle veil, as here,
 shimmering behind which is a tint of pink, a casual kiss.
It's the evening shades of leaves,
the coolness after a storm,
the touch of warmth lingering on the sand
as the children leave to join the band
of the beach crowd going home,
some leaving their spades back in a hurry.
The grey is the love that covers them all.

Sushama Karnik (c)

31 Aug. 2021

The Canvas

The Canvas

The purity of the canvas
saddens the heart for no reason!
Do not tarnish it with tears.
The virginity awes the heart.
Stand in silence,
hold your brush in abeyance.
Watch it
and let it grow into infinity as vast as the ocean
where the eye fails and speech has no tongue.
Immerse deep in that ocean
which was the canvas a moment ago.
It will not let you sink;
it will meet you
half-way;
and lift you, and surround you and take you in
and your brush will glide and swirl and ride
over the crest of the tide;
a music sublime!

 Image : Eberhard Herold

Once A Teacher...

Lol ! Once a teacher always a teacher!
And if a Math teacher, a foe of literature !
Triangles, squares, circles, until you reach the tetrahedron,
and please don't bring a Unicorn;
this is no room for inane things like poetry;
and please don't fall asleep
dreaming over an asymptote.

 Image credit : Dora Chiabov

Blackboard   1877

by:
Winslow Homer  1836 - 1910
https://www.nga.gov/feature/homer/homer11.htm
(National Gallery of Art, Washington D.C.)

Here in some archaic past
we, as shepherds, had wandered far,
and when the winter passed
came again to gather
tufts of wool that was caught
between thorns and bushes,
from the season last.

After ages thence, by chance,
we cross paths,
linger in the same meadows, the same haunts,
still in search of the tufts of wool
gathered and kept in store for us,
unsullied by the winds and storms.

Sushama Karnik

 Imagecourtesy +Lilium Candidum




https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Albert_Bierstadt_-_Light_in_the_Forest.jpg

An Ode To Sleep

AN ODE TO SLEEP
Sleep, be for me a messenger tonight.
Weave me a dark quilt.
And inside, decode
the mystery of light and night.
Long did we evade the baleful encounter
of each other .
I hid behind my obsession of a dream
and you behind my insomnia.

I dare you now in the name of the devious vagrancy.
Your dark tresses fall carelessly
over my eyelids; they refuse to close.
I dare you, do not touch; they waited long.
Now stay away; no more mockery of touch and go.
And still if you are bent on coming
come straight in; do not knock

Image credit +Tanya Dimitrova 

Yajnyawalkya Chapter 76 : The End

.................."My inner space was always empty because I refused to put myself in it. To me, Yajnyawalkya was emptiness to be filled in by everyone whom I met."

Maitreyi said, "If that is what you call your knowledge of your Self, I cannot take it. Emptiness scares me; aloneness scares me. My own solitary self, occupying empty space scares me, and so does death; because it takes me away from you. Help me transcend fear; make me immortal; make me ever awake. I need you in order to realize my immortality because Maitreyi will cease to be if she loses awareness of Yajnyawalkya. Maitreyi will live in Yajnyawalkya because Yajnyawalkya 'is'.    Yajnyawalkya cannot die, because he is ever there, born and reborn in everyone as the knowledge of the Self."
Yajnyawalkya said, "Yajnyawalkya will need Maitreyi, so that the world may know, there was Yajnyawalkya who was known to Maitreyi, and together they had created a universe. Truth: the absolute and the ultimate : is just that--simple as that, but true to you and me."
And with these words Yajnyawalkya moved ahead on the path to become a sanyasi : one who makes the final gesture of renuniation.
Yajnyawalkya is not eternity.
Yajnyawalkya is the name of the quest for eternity. Maitreyi is the script of that quest. From Upanishad to the next Upanishad in time, the script went down, and so did the quest.
The quest did not die, because unknown to her, every Maitreyi carries the knowledge of deathlessness, the nectar of life within her.

THE END
  

Yajnyawalkya chapter 76 contd.

Maitreyi fought back her tears resolutely and said, "You too, know it in your heart that your freedom cannot be bartered for pieces of gold nor can be mine. It grieves me to see that you expect me to be content and stop at the threshold of life. While you set out on the path of freedom, why do you expect me to gloat in wealth, live for it, and end in it?"
She was talking exasperatedly, with a fury that was never seen her before. Yajnyawalkya was called upon to do justice. In that self-same moment, he experienced the agitation of the woman who was wronged, and the penitence of the man who had caused the wrong. She was asking Yajnyawalkya to supersede the wrongdoer and dispense justice.
There was silence. It was not the silence that unites souls in love; it was the silence that divides one's own Self. It was the silence that does not let you move or touch the other.
The anguish of her wounded pride had leapt up like a sacrificial fire and was demanding its oblation. It was the ever recurring reminder to Man that he cannot meet Brahma : the Absolute and the Ultimate, before he embraces Woman, and let the fire in her annihilate him.
Maitreyi's voice dived low after that brief respite. Her fury subsided; she spoke, trying to get back her certitude. She did not know who was speaking, what, and to whom.
"I am insatiable, Yajnyawalkya, your wife is insatiable. She is thirsty. You may deluge her with wealth; she cannot be quenched. Do not ask her what she wants. She knows not what she wants. Her demands are ancient, as ancient as this earth. You were afraid to explore her land, afraid that the earth would take all of you unto herself. You are standing before me today, thinking that you have fulfilled yourself. You do not need to declare to the world how true you are. You have spurned the wealth which the world offered to you. Now that you have delivered your burden at my feet, you think you are free to walk out on me and the world, covered in ashes and absorbed in yourself.! I am not a devotee asking her God for grace. I am your very own Self, your incomplete Self, asking you to give her what she lacks: she wants her share in your knowledge of yourself. She knows not her Self without you." 
To be contd.

Yajnyawalkya Chapter 75 contd.

She spoke in a voice that sounded feeble, but Yajnyawalkya understood the will that inspired it. he remembered that evening when years ago, she had stood at the threshold. The slanting rays of the sun had fallen on her face just as they did now. The sun had touched her hair with a hue of gold then; now there were sreaks of silver in it.
Her restraint and resolve were not unknown to him. When he faltered, she woul know it in her heart. And wherever they were, fa or near, she would see the crossroads ahead of him. People thought of him as a blasting oracle. She was a silent seer. The man and the husband in him had always rebelled against her quiet inwardnes. He understood what agony he had subjected her to in the past. She had never desired to conquer him. She knew the egoist in him. And he knew that she she knew him, but would not let him know what she knew.
He was quiet for some time, absorbing her words, and letting them grow in his mind. Then he spoke in a voice that did not sound his own : "There is another aspect to our meeting. Now that you know my mind and I know yours, let me address my material responsibilities to both of you. I propose to distribute my assets equally between both of you."
Both of them looked at him in disbelief and dismay. They stared at him in silence. Anger was writ large on Katyayani's face. They did not speak. There was no greater injustice he could do to them than making this declaration. The moment they looked at him he realized what his words had done.
He said, "I want you to live together without a discord. That was why I thought of taking this step. "
Katyani got up, as if to go, and said ruefully, "How sad to know that our peace and harmony depends on the knowledge that Maitreyi does not own mor than I do! Years of living in Videha have distanced you from us to this extent!"
Yajnyawalkya was struck dumb. Before he or Katyayani could realize, Maitreyi had gathered herself up, and was gone in a fraction of a moment.

Chapter 75 contd.

With this she hugged Maitreyi lightly, and with a gentle pressure, brought her forward, a little closer in view of herself and Yajnyawalkya.
Yajnyawalkya said, "Forgive me, if I gave you a feeling that I am taking you for granted. I want to know if I have your permission to move on. "
Katyayani looked at Maitreyi and Maitreyi looked at Yajnyawalkya. Maitreyi said, "Katyayani has already spoken her mind, and I have always stood by your freedom to choose. You are free to go ahead on the path you have chosen."
Yajnyawalkya knew, she meant what she said. He said, "This is not severance of my links with you. Think of it as expansion of life. I have moved out of the confinement of the mind which I experienced in Videha : a world of dogma and intolerance. I am back here to a world of inspiration and God. I am not abandoning what I have come back to. In fact I want to see what I can do to expand this wold. I have energy, intellect; and I have discovered the power of selfless love. I will use it to transform lives. "
He turned to Maitreyi and said, "You, Katyayani and I, along with Artabhaga, will work in unison. I will discover fresh, young minds and send them to this hermitage to learn from you, and you will make this world grow. I am not asking for your consent to let me go away from here, but to let me come back to it time and again with greater insight and strength. One day I myself will come back to you as your disciple."
Maitreyi did not appear convinced. She understood the magnitude and the sanctity of his vision, but did not trust her own ability to participate in it. She sat there with her eyes closed; fear and fatigue did not lt her speak.
Katyayani looked anxiously at Yajnyawalkya and said, "Don't you think you are acting too soon and with too little thought?" Yajnyawalkya said,"No, I have been giving  it a thought ever since you came to and departed from Videha."
Katyayani said, "But there is very little time left for us to think."
Maitreyi opened her eyes and spoke emphatically, "Years ago, necessity led you to Videha. You have returned a free man now, free to make your choice with knowledge, and not ruled by need. I want you to realize this freedom for the greater good of all of us. When you departed for Videha, I had come to bid you farewell at the threshold of this very sanctum. I wanted to release you then. This time, I am not sending you off to some unknown destination. We are with you in whatever you think and do now. "

Chapter 75

I am coming to the end of this novel, and gradually, with each chapter penned and kept aside, I am losing a part of my soul. I would have stopped posting a month back, looking at the silence in this wilderness. But some foolishness led me on. After this post, I am not sure if I shall be posting till the end.

Chapter 75.

Katyayani had been watching Maitreyi since morning. She had come to know of Yajnyawalkya's decision through the disciples after their meeting with Yajnyawalkya was over. Maitreyi had been away the whole evening and the night. Katyayani caught sight of her only in the morning. She could not make out if Maitreyi knew about Yajnyawalkya's decision. She watched Maitreyi for a sign of unrest. Maitreyi looked unperturbed. She moved about as if in a trance.
Katyayani did not have the courage to break the prohibitive silence. But at mid-day, Maitreyi herselfsought Katyayani's company. When they were together, Maitreyi stole a glance at her and caught her eye. There was a silent recognition of the fact that they both knew what was happening. They sat in silence for a while, and then Maitreyi got up abruptly and went away on some pretext.
Katyayani sat alone. Left to herserrlf, she did not know what was going on in her own mind. Her son looked at her as he passed by. He too had become aware of his father's decision. But somehow, it seemed to him a natural event. It seemed a natural and indubitable part of his father's personality which he had accepted way back. Besides, there was a simple certainty in his mind that his father belonged to him wherever he might go and stay : in the hermitage, or away from it. So he played with him in the morning as usual.Yajnyawalkya had patted him on the back. He stroked his head playfullyhappy to find that they were at ease with each other.
But somehow, the boy felt disinclined to talk to Katyayani. Since he was not old enough  to analyze his own feelings, he acted more on his natural instinct which told him to stay away from Katyayani in those moments.
Katyayani was forlorn to see her son and Maitreyi reluctant to sit by her side when she needed them. She wanted to talk to them both and let them know that she was not in need of support; she wanted to be with them; that was all.

To be contd.

Chapter 73 contd

Yajnyawalkya said, "Love is the underlying principle of life. The very light within you, which is lost and forgotten, is 'love'. There is discord, violence and fear because we have lost that light. There is restlessness because we know we must get it back, and restlessness is the sign of hope. Do not confuse that restlessness with fear."
One of them got up and said,"Does the light of Gayatri help me conquer fear?"
Yajnyawalkya smiled. A tide of scepticism was surrounding him all sides. But unlike the conference held in Videha long ago, this was the scepticism of seekers. Yajnyawalkyahad conquered his irascible temper over time. His cynicism had vanished long back. He turned to the seeker and said, "Yes, conquest of fear is the first step you take in the direction of that light. Try to understand the origin of fear. Fear overtakes you when your superior faculties fail; when you are not in control of your life. When does this happen? It happens under fatigue. Fatigue clouds the light which is your breath and vitality. So never let that vitality  be out of sight. Gayatri, the spiritual energy that dwells within you, reaches out from you to touch the light that pervades Akasha and comes back to you with floods of light and energy. When the universe is ever ready, nay, eager to enrich you, accept the bounty without agitation. Embrace life in all its aspects. Be awae that happiness and sorrow are aspects of life, not the goal of it. Your mind adopts happiness and rejects sorrow. That, which you reject, becomes th root of fear. Gayatri takes you beyond the antithesis of happiness and sorow; it is light, pure, simple, and inexhaustible."
Yajnyawalkya stopped, but no one realized that he had stopped speaking.. Their minds were swaying on a tide of self-awareness that surged up from the gross world of the body to leap up and catch a glimpse of the subtle timeless world of spirit.
A sacrificial fire had been initiated on the ground of earth, but reached the realm of the spirit. The offering came from the seven realms of Brahma. Divinity guarded the sacrificial fire. Earth was the ground of the altar, mountains bosom. Its hands spread in four quarters. Divine wrath blazed in the embers of the karma of the humans, and the inaccessible truth of Brahma leapt up momentarily like a tongue of fire to speak its word.
So long as the Brahma guards this sacrificial fire with its eyes, there is no extinction for the human spirit and the spirit of all life.. 

Chapter 73 contd, after "Ask and you will get it"

They were stunned. Then his disciple said, "It is as if the unseen principle of the universe " Brahma' has become manifest all of a sudden and is asking us to recognize who he is! Yes, we are really unprepared for this moment. You have given us no time and if we let it pass by, you have left us with no choice but to regret.!"
Artabhaga sensed the agitation that rocked their minds. He got up and came forward.
"Calm down," he said, "Moments do not pass by, nor do they visit us for no reason. Live in them as if they are eternity and eternity will live with you. But calm down first. Do not feel deprived. There is a bond of love between you and your Master. You are ready to receive and that is all that is required for a revelation. Open your hearts and even the silence of your Master will speak to you."
They were not ready for any reasoning. How could they reconcile to this knowledge? That which they considered as belonging to them was being taken away before they could call it their own!
Artabhaga spoke again : "A Master does not speak unless you have the quest. Look into your hearts and search."
A disciple rose and said,"Our Master has been in the company of learned scholars. We gather that Videha is a seat of learning where sages live and they have knowledge of the ultimate reality : Brahma! May our Master give us an insight into that 'Reality'?"
All eyes turned to Yajnyawalkya. He looked all around and said, "My beloved pupils, try to understand life on this earth before taking a leap in the direction of the unknown and the unknowable. Try to understand what makes us happy and what makes us unhappy. Understand the thin line that separates joy from pain, gain from loss, love from hatred, and self from the non-self."
His pupils were not satisfied. Why was their Master denying them the greatest truth of life? One of them asked, "please tell us what rites, rituals, mantras or sacrifice will lead us to the knowledge of Brahma."
Yajnyawalkya said, "Remove these blind-folds from your eyes. They will lead you nowhere. It is like venturing into the ocean on board a leaky ship. You will only drown yourself faster than ever. "
There was a stern silence on the part of Yajnyawalkya after this, making it difficult for the pupils to elicit anything out of it. A disciple got up with courage and asked, "You have been teaching us to invoke the inner light : the light of the deity Gayatri. Is Gayatri the same as Brahma which has been sought after by sages?"
Yajnyawalkya said, "No, Gayatri is not Brahma. Gayatri is the grand chariot which helps you traverse the path of this life on earth. Gayatri mantra enables you to unveil the light within you. Live your life constantly in that light. That light is the very power of Gayatri. It resides within you but you know it not."
Someone asked, "Are we born with that light or do we acquire it by effort?"
Yajnyawalkya said, "We are all born with it; and still we have to put in an effort to retrieve it, because we have lost it in the process of living."
Why do we lose it?" asked the pupil.
"Because our life on this earth makes demands on the other faculties which we call the mind, intellect, ego and memory. We develop a trust in them and come to believe that we cannot understand this phenomenal world without their aid. Gradually we become one with them. We do not see ourselves as distinct from them. We are lost to that light in this process which we call 'living' "
"If we are blessed with the faculty of memory, why are we lost to that light?"
Yajnyawalkya said, "The memory which loses sight of that light is the functional memory, which is an instrument of the mind connecting us with the space and time that we can measure and imagine. It helps us to communicate, speak, understand, synthesize and analyze. But it has limitations. Its function serves the body and the mind but does not enable us to reach that light. "
"How do we reach it then?" asked the pupil. "Can the incantation of Gayatri mantra help us do it? Is it enough to recite the Gayatri mantra?'
Yajnyawalkya said, "The incantation aids the physical memory. It helps you to be mindful, which is the primary need. But though necessary, recitation alone is not sufficient. Gayatri is the vibration of the life within. It unites you with everything that vibrates in the universe, outside of your body. Open your mind, body and heart to the power of the energy that the universe is transmitting to you ceaselessly. Gayatri opens up the heart, restores energy, heals and elevates".
The pupil who was asking questions was an energetic youth with the spark of life in his eyes. He smiled contentedly and said, "This is love; is it not?"
Another disciple who seemed disenchanted with love, got up in an agitated state of mind and exclaimed, "If that was so, this world would be full of self-realized sages. There would be no violence, no discord, no fear."

To be contd.


 

Chapter 73

Yajnyawalkya was surrounded by disciples and the inhabitants of the hermitage. He had sent for them, and they were wondering why! He looked around at the congregation. His eyes scanned every eager face and his ears caught every slight tremor in their hearts. He allowed a brief pause for silence and took a deep breath. He declared in a voice that was clear and steady, "My beloved disciples, I want to declare that I wish to renounce my hold on the hermitage and propose to leave. I propose to leave you in the care of Artabhaga, Maitreyi and Katyayani."
There was a commotion followed by silence. Someone had to get up and speak. Everybody looked in the direction of Artabhaga. He was sitting at the far end, his eyes fixed on the ground beneath his feet. They realised that both Artabhaga and Yajnyawalkya were on the other side of the fence, segregated from them by an unspoken covenant which was beyond their comprehension.
Somehow, as they sensed that Artabhaga was impervious to their appeal, one of them got up to address Yajnyawalkya. He moved forward from the congregation and reached Yajnyawalkya.
He spoke, "With salutation to our revered Master, I beseech, may we know if something has gone amiss. We are doing our best to prove worthy of our beloved Master; yet if we have fallen short of our Master's expectations, may we have a chance to rectify our mistake, and rise up to our Master's satisfaction?"
Yajnyawalkya spoke, "My dear ones, you must not feel at fault. You must not feel sad either. In no way does my decision reflect on your conduct. But it is vitally important, nay, essential for me to move on from here to the next phase of my life."
The congregation was speechless for some time. Then one of them asked, "But does have to come so soon and so unexpectedly?"
Yajnyawalkya smiled and said, "Everything moves on; it has to. Nothing happens without a warning. It is just that we don't listen, or even when we do, we resist it, because we resist change. "
His disciples looked at each other in dismay, clearly dissatisfied with the evasive answer. A raw feeling of injustice seethed in their mind. and slowly turned into an undefined anger. Yet another disciple stood up to take command over the situation. He had to swallow the turbulence in his mind before he could speak. He said, "I beg to speak on behalf of all of us. May our Master forgive me if I cross my limit. We have been waiting to hear you. You cannot leave us before you enlighten us. It is our privilege. And unfortunately it is being held back from us for no fault of ours."
Yajnyawalkya said, "No, my dear ones. Today I am here for all of you. All that I could call mine  belongs to you now. Ask, and you will get it."

To be contd. 

Chapter 72

Katyayani was happy and fulfilled to feel peace and harmony during the days that followed. Maitreyi was at peace.
On a sunny afternoon when she was alone with Yajnyawalkya, Katyayani noticed that he was engrossed in something that was waiting to come out. She asked him plainly, "Are you worried over something?"
"No", said he, without declaring what was on his mind. Katyayani laughed.
"you are not a soul of this earth. But now that you have chosen to be born here like all of us, be with us and share our worries," she said.
Yajnyawalkya responded to her laughter, and said,"I am here to share your happiness and relieve you of your worries."
Kayayani said,"You revere this earth; sometimes I feel persons like you live their life like a penance for the irreverence they have committed by being born to earth and having to trample upon her bosom."
"I am in no way different from others, Katyayani, except that I can articulate my thoughts in language. A lot of the substance of our thought is lost in trying to harness thoughts to language, just as a lot of our energy is lost in harnessing ourselves to the claims of the world. You say that persons like me  undergo penance for having been born to earth. Life is a penance,Katyayani, not just for people like me but for all of us."
Katyayani said, "Why does life have to be a penance?"
Yajnyawalkya said, "Because every experience, happy or sad, which is stored in our soul, is a penance; and a penance is meant to replace experience with knowledge. Of course, we have a choice to stay clean pf experiences, because thy teach us through pain. In refusing to acknowledge the truth that even happiness produces pain, we are running away from the penance, and running away from knowledge. Most of us believe that happiness can be acquired and pain can be circumvented with the effort of will. Or, some of us who believe that there is something transcendent that oversees our happiness and pain, go ahead and propitiate that power to escape pain."
Katyayani said, "Are you able to escape pain?"
Yajnyawalkya said, "No, neither I nor you can escape pain; however, we may refuse to learn from it."
Katyayani was alarmed by this sudden turn in the conversation. She looked at him introspectively and asked, "Did you learn from our pain?"
Yajnyawalkya said, "Yes!"
Katyayani said reproachfully, "Pray, what did you learn ?"
Yajnyawalkya said with a mild mockery, "That you refuse to learn from your pain."
Katyayani shot back, "You inflicted pain on us!"
Yajnyawalkya said, "Pain is pain; it could have come to you from any source; if not from me, then from some other source! That's the first principle which you refuse to see. The point of learning is : do you rise above pain, or let it set you back?"
Katyayani was speechless. Yajnyawalkya said, "I don't intend to be cruel. For a moment, do not think of me as your husband who had held back from you what you considered to be your rightful happiness. Think of me as only an invisible channel of voice."
Katyayani made no answer.
Yajnyawalkya said, "I know, you were able to rise above pain! I know, that you did learn. In that process, I : Yajnyawalkya became irrelevant to you as your husband. It was pain that was preponderant over you, and you won over that pain by refusing to acknowledge me, and went ahead on your own resources."
Katyayani laughed wholeheartedly, and said, "Indeed? And must we be full of gratitude to our revered husband for causing us to learn the hard way?"
Yajnyawalkya watched her laughter with fascination, drew her close, and kissed her on the brow, and said, "No, you must be grateful to your invincible spirit, which is always with you!"
Katyayani asked, "What is it that will endure: this happiness which we experience now, or will it turn into pain again?"
Yajnyawalkya said, "This happiness will endure, because it does not depend on objects and their acquisition. it has found a place inside you. "

Chapter 71 contd

"Maitreyi is scared of life without me. I had never understood her need to hold to me. She sought the certainty of life in me. She has a deep insight into individuals but when it comes to me, her attachment clouds her insight. I am afraid, she feels that is what love is; incomplete without man, and ultimately, incomplete without the knowledge of the unseen Brahma; but unaware of herself, she is being led to it. "
Artabhaga pondered over this. He said, "You want her to sever her attachment to you; don't you? Have you severed your attachment to her already?"
Yajnyawalkya looked grave. Artabhaga wondered in that silence what it was that Yajnyawalkya really wanted to sever.
Yajnyawalkya said, "She wants to conquer the fear! It's the fear of death."
Artabhaga said, "No; she has no fears. She wants to conquer death, not the fear of death."
Yajnyawalkya suddenly looked up at Artabhaga. Artabhaga said, "She has tremendous reserves of strength. Love is not a need for her. It's a channel through which her strength flows out, to you and to everyone."
Having said this, Artabhaga restrained himself; then said in an impassioned voice, "Replenish her strength; help her conquer death!" Yajnyawalkya looked at the sky, and suddenly became aware of the banyan tree. Its stillness seemed to speak, and the sky was listening.
Artabhaga wondered what his mission was!

Chapter 71 concluded

Chapter 71

When Yajnyawalkya stepped out of the hidden abode of Maitreyi, it was time for sunrise. A few steps ahead,  he was joined by his son and Artabhaga. They were ready for the morning obeisance to the sun-god.
Artabhaga, for no obvious reason, found himself surrounded by deep peace as he stepped into Yajnyawalkya's personal aura. He felt assured that somewhere something had happened. Whatever it was, it filled him with a heavenly harmony. The world inside the hermitage was flowing sedately with an imperceptible motion, in opposition to the turbulent pace of the world marching onward outside the hermitage. But it was not stagnation, nor was it negation. It was the peace that gave you strength to move on at your own pace. Artabhaga watched Yajnyawalkya to gauge his state of mind. Yajnyawalkya looked more withdrawn than usual. While chanting Gayatri mantra, his voice faltered a little. Artabhaga wished he could lift the veil and see and feel what his voice concealed.
Yajnyawalkya's son tried to engage them in some childishly grave matters and finally gave up, leaving Artabhaga and Yajnyawalkya to themselves.
Yajnyawalkya addressed Artabhaga with a determined, thoughtful mind. "There are a number of questions that you and I have not asked each other yet. We have been witness to a major eventful portion of our lives; you have been an ascetic, and I, an ascetic surrounded by worldly obligations. When I look back, I remember how I was led to respond to Janaka's call. Janaka and I needed each other. Our instinct perhaps told us so. We were alike, though placed in totally dissimilar vocations. We were both disoriented, groping in the dark to find the meaning of our existence. We could traverse that stretch of our life to reach light because we had found each other.
Artabhaga reflected on Yajnyawalkya's revelation. They were resting under the ancient banyan tree which had now become an intimate silent listener for Artabhjaga ever since he came to this hermitage with Yajnyawalkya. He asked the tree, "Why is it that this man who was brought up here and set up this household under your shade, never bonded with you? Why, even now, as he is looking at his own life, does he not think of me as a soul bonded to him?"
He looked into the distance and smiled mystically. All that he said outwardly was, "There are times when we have to wander far in search of an intangible worth of life. You were fortunate to have found people who needed you on their journey."
Yajnyawalkya noticed a deep shadow of distress sweep across Artabhaga as he heard him. An intense clairvoyant intuition led him to listen to the inarticulate pain hidden behind Artabhaga's words.
Artabhaga was not sad. In fact, Yajnyawalkya never remembered this man giving way to self-pity. He remembered the Artabhaga of yore who had lacerated his soul in compassion for Shakalya and the ever vigilant, archetypal patience of Shakalya's ancient father. Artabhaga could never dissociate himself from the suffering humanity. What peace is there in this world for a man like him? And he was never at war with himself. One needs to be in love with one's own self to be able to love humanity in this way.
Yajnyawalkya lifted a fallen leaf of the banyan tree as if it was a missive from above. He felt its weather-worn texture and addressed Artabhaga meditatively : "Do you think I don't understand what you are feeling when you say this? You have seen people suffer, and you could never get over the feeling that you could do nothing to assuage their pain when they needed you. You ended up feeling that finally they did not need you when you were there to help. "
Artabhaga unknowingly snatched away the rough, thorny leaf out of Yajnyawalkya's hand to stop him from caressing it. Yajnyawalkya looked at him. They were saying a lot of things to each other which were not contained in their words.
Yajnyawalkya paused; then continued hesitantly, "I need your help and support in the mission I am contemplating for myself. "
Artabhaga stared at him in amazement. Yajnyawalkya said, "Of course, you are free to say no."
Artabhaga said, "You know, I worship you as my master. Whatever you may wish, I'll obey as a command.'
Yajnyawalkya said, "I want to entrust you with the responsibility of this hermitage. I cannot find a person more suitable than you for this mission. You have a stable mind. You can belong to this hermitage. "
Artabhaga was speechless. There was silence between them for some time. Yajnyawalkya understood Artabhaga's hesitation. He said, "I know, you have been a wanderer; nothing can hold you down. You are averse to fixity. But you are free to wander whenever you wish, because I know that your mind and heart will never stray away from you wherever you are."
Artabhaga looked inward. A born ascetic that he was, he listened to the voice of his soul. There was a fraction of uncertainty and doubt which did not let him respond quickly.
Yajnyawalkya said,"Do not be in doubt about my intention. I don't want to use you for a task which you may think I want to avoid carrying out myself. Far from it! The Almighty wants you to be here. "
Artabhaga said, "What makes you think I will ever doubt your intention? I doubt my own capability."
Yajnyawalkya said, "Trust the divinity within you, not my words! You and I are two sources of light, as far as we can reach, and to as many as possible."
Yajnyawalkya's message was percolating through Artabhaga's reserves of doubt and uncertainty to reach the core of receptivity that had never been opened up. It was as if Yajnyawalkya was pouring out his soul into him and saying : " You and I are not antithetical; we have synthesized our energies into one . That is how it was meant to be and that is how it will continue to be. "

To be contd.

 
   

Chapter 70 contd

Yajnyawakya held himself back for a long while, staring into her eyes to read her mind. She was calm but unsure of herself. In the slight tremor that passed across her body, he sensed that her fear had taken the shape and form of Gargi. She had now come to a point where she had to conquer those fears with knowledge, not by burying them as unreal. How did he fail to see that Gargi would be a perennial hurdle that would not let her go ahead on her path?
He said,"What is it that you want to know about Gargi?"
Maitreyi said,"I cannot think of Gargi apart from you, I must understand the Yajnyawalkya who was drawn to Gargi."
Yajnyawalkya realized why he was caught in the dichotomy of love and hatred when he was faced with Maitreyi. She would not let any interior of his mind and heart remain unexplored and unknown to her. He smiled wearily, and said, "Maitreyi, live in the present and let me also belong to the present."
Maitreyi listened more to the tone of his voice than to the words. His weariness touched her deeply. Light was breaking out on the distant hill outside. There was abundance of light waiting for her on the path ahead, with Yajnyawalkya beside her. Why was she lacerating her soul by knocking at the doors into a cavern in the past, when he was out of it, waiting to lead her to the infinite light beyond?
She extended her hand for him to hold. When he held it firmly, she said, "I pray, may you belong to your own self before the world can say, 'Yajnyawalkya belongs to all' "
He drew her close and kissed her on her eyelids to let he know that he was filling her eyes with infinite peace and understanding.

Chapter 70 contd

Contd.:
He held her apart to look into her eyes. She returned his gaze with unfenced love.
A tremor ran through his body. He averted his face and said pensively, "Maitreyi, clear this fog of attachment from your eyes. I care about you. That is why I don't want you to create a cause for anguish. All this craving, this desire for love, is nothing but a fog. There are moments of desolation when we turn outside to seek sustenance; husband seeks it in wife, wife in husband; they both seek it in their progeny. Some seek it in anything that they can call god,. They think it is love, religion, devotion, surrender, sacrifice. They hide in the fog. "
Maitreyi stopped him abruptly and said, "If you are there to hold me, I don't care to find out what lies beyond the fog."
Yajnyawalkya said, "Maitreyi, do not trap me in language. See, there is light breaking on the horizon. What does it tell you?"
Maitreyi smiled and said, "It says, the fog will melt; there will be light soon. Wait awhile!."
Yajnyawalkya did not know if it was the child in her or an oracle that was speaking.
He watched  the play of emotions on her face, showing pure transparent colors of serene joy, and wondered if she was the same woman who had held to him tremulously a while ago, hiding herself on his bosom from the monster called time. In her little world of the hermitage she had winged the sky with her inborn instinct for flight. He had circumambulated the whole world of academies of philosophies and come back to her world, fatigued and disenchanted, disinclined to hold dialogue with anyone except his own self.
In the chaotic vastness of Brahma, she found her own universe of beauty and serenity. Where would her world stand in the unseen order of Brahma? Her little world truly belonged to her and she had allowed herself to be claimed by it. Who was Yajnyawalkya, and by what right could he come and claim that world? And still, he knew well that she had been waiting hopelessly to receive and enshrine him there. She had her roots in the soil, and though rooted, she was trying to feel the sky. She was both ethereal and earthly.
He had a sudden impulse feel her. He caressed her gently and felt her respond. She clasped his hands and said, "I want you to speak about Gargi."
Yajnyawalkya froze. He unclasped her grip over his hands. She said, "I don't envy her anymore. But I feel you belong to her at some deep level."
She was speaking in absolutely flat tones. He wondered whether it was her way of disguising the real emotion. A wave of revulsion swept across him. In the self-same moment Maitreyi claimed him and disowned him.
He retreated behind a wall of silence. There was a deep shadow over his eyes. He turned to her and looked steadily in her eyes. His silence was drawing her out. It asked her, "Why? Why at this moment?"
She in turn, said in silence, "Yes, this is the moment I have to delve deep into your knowledge of yourself. If I let it pass, I'll never understand you."
Her eyes were like a still lake and the storms in his mind alighted there, without causing a ripple. She held the reflection to herself uncritically.

To be contd.

Chapter 70 contd. after 'Janaka played the silent hand bhind it.'

Yajnyawalkya was alarmed by her perception. he asked, "Do you resent him? Because unknown to you and me, and perhaps unknown to him too, he caused our destiny."
Maitreyi said, "I can't say whether it was resentment or bewilderment at that point of time. All I could understand then was that it was a verdict pronounced on us beyond our comprehension. He was taller than all of us. Sages have knowledge, but Janaka has wisdom. Without his wisdom the sages would never speak. We mortals, ignorant a we are, need to understand and acknowledge the wisdom of that divine king. What we see as destiny is a power that would lie dormant unless it is thrown into activity. And it takes the spiritual prowess of a person of Janaka's caliber to initiate that mighty process."
Yajnyawalkya said,"In a deep sense, Janaka was my providence. But I will not be true to myself if I think of him only in that way. It is hypocrisy to deny what he was to me at the level of my life on this earth. He was next to my soul."
Maitreyi said, "Janaka could understand your distaste for scholastic life, because he knew it himself. You were kindred souls among aliens."
Yajnyawalkya said, "Kindred souls have a way of meeting and parting."
Maitreyi said, "There is no parting for kindred souls."
She lifted her eyes and looked long at him. The years gone by were condensed in her words, and her body, with all the life in it, became a single vibrant note. She yearned to reach out to him and affirm, "There is no parting."

He responded eagerly.

It was a union that gods in heaven yearn to see.

They saw each other and transcended vision; heard each other and transcended sound; touched and felt each other and and transcended mind; vibrated in each other's heart and transcended breath.
There was no Maitreyi; there was no Yajnyawalkya. A tidal wave rose and submerged everything. Their twin consciousness dissolved in it. As the wave receded, it was Yajnyawalkya who first reaffirmed the life of the body. Maitreyi was still in a trance. He bent over her and kept a vigil till she returned to the awareness of their separate existence.
Maitreyi opened her eyes and found him leaning over her, watchful and serene. She was straining to find her voice. He watched her wan and tranquil visage in the tender light of the dawn and kissed her gently. She surrendered herself to his embrace and lay peaceful in his arms. He shielded her from the fear of separation. Suddenly she felt him all over with her hands, as if to make sure that he was still there.
At last she spoke tremulously, "I don't want to lose you again. I don't want to die. I want to live. I want to be born into eternity, where you will be with me."
Yajnyawalkya clasped her arms and sealed her spirit in his heart. Who could ever be impervious to this last of all the human fears ; the fear of mortality? This earth was born out of the mating of the sky and the wind. But her children have no memory of their ethereal heritage. They are born without an understanding of the enigma of their existence : this mystery of love of the body given to us by the earth and the perpetual thirst for the unfenced life beyond the body!

Speak O Yajnyawalkya! This woman whom you are holding in your arms is seeking your help! Help her so she may unite her earth with heaven; unite the seen with the unseen, the language with the silence. It is not separation that she is afraid of. She longs to end the duality. Why are you overwhelmed? She is not dragging you back to the earth you had shunned all along. You, who were a solitary god, unmanifested to all, are being drawn to your roots, to the body of the woman, to reveal your essence. She wants to transcend the fear of death. She has the innate understanding that she can do it; she must do it; but she believes she cannot do it without you. She wants to realize immortality on this earth and carry the memory of it hereafter when there will be no earthly body left. She knows all this and yet does not know that she knows. This is the supreme mission you were born for, Yajnyawalkya! Fulfill it and you will be set free!

Maitreyi asked him again, "Speak to me. Your words are nectar to me."
Yajnyawalkya said, "I am no superhuman being, Maitreyi. I am a mortal, still struggling to understand why I am here. I have mortally wounded some souls with the venom in my tongue. How can my words have nectar?"
Maitreyi hid her head in his lap, . At that moment she was closest to the most secret springs of his being . It was impossible for him to make her accept what he was saying. She whispered, "You do not know what you are. I want the world to see you in the  spirit that you are."

To be contd.  
  

 

Chapter 70 contd.

He turned to speak to her. She pleaded to him in silence, not to speak. Perhaps the prerogative belonged to her.
She said, "Let me feel your presence. Long years of loneliness have deprived me of the language of love. Let me absorb you in silence."
Yajnyawalkya moved forward; he wanted to engulf her in love and banish her age-long feeling of deprivation and loneliness. But she restrained him and said, "Let me understand you in your separateness. You are precious to me as you are; you always were."
Yajnyawalkya placed his hands on her shoulders and let her see him. The pre-dawn hours are said to be the time of the manifestation of Brahma : a time when the universe listens to the Creator in meditation; when the Creator and the Creation, though separate, understand each other's presence so perfectly that the barriers vanish, and there remains a single note, singing, : 'I am That, and That is in Me.'
Maitreyi was where she was, away from Yajnyawalkya, separate, and complete in herself. And yet there was no Maitreyi without Yajnyawalkya.
The moon was in the sky, ready to dissolve soon, and its star was still shining at a distance. Yajnyawakya's Gayatri was being born anew between the moon and the star. Soon there would be no trace of the moon and the star, but Gayatri would remain there to pervade the entire stretch of the day : today, tomorrow, and for endless morrows to come, to fill in the space and time for Yajnyawalkya.
Videha was left far behind. The scholars, who had hounded Yajnyawalkya to answer the mystery of Brahma had fallen into silence.
Brahma hides behind veils when you attack it with language. And what is language but a set of beliefs which are meant to keep you rooted in the world, the phenomenal world, which is the only thing you are equipped to understand?
Brahma answers to those who ask no questions and manifests itself when there is none to witness. Maitreyi could no longer stand the stress. Yajnyawalkya led her to the mat-seat. She asked, "Did you find what you sought?"
Yajnyawalkya said, "I did not go to Videha to seek anything. I was restless. Here, or in Videha, my roots were nowhere. I was cruel to all of you. None of you will ever forgive me."
Maitryi said, "We would have been cruel to you if we had held you back. I never realized, but I had no life apart from you. I have no regrets for myself or for you."
He said, "I have not found answers to many questions of my life, Maitreyi. I feel, my vocation of priesthood was the biggest lie. We, as priests, were wasting away the most vital springs of our life to help these hungry, insatiable multitudes in their pursuit of happiness."
Maitreyi said, "What did you pursue, if not happiness? "
Yajnyawalkya said, "True! What did I pursue, if not happiness?"
Maitreyi said, "Happiness had never been your goal, and you know it well! It was not restlessness which impelled you to travel to Videha; it was disgust!"
Yajnyawalkya listened to her in surprise. She was tearing away veil after veil from reality.She said, "Sitting here, away from your world of scholastic arguments, I could see into the heart of your unrest. I don't know if Janaka had seen it too, when he sent for you. He had recognized you. He is no ordinary mortal. His vision ranged far beyond what the scholars at his assembly aimed for! If that fateful conference was a question thrown at us by the destiny, Janaka played the silent hand behind it."

To be contd.  

Chapter 70

Maitreyi got up from sleep suddenly with trepidation in her heart. She felt weary, as if she had lived through an aeon. It was as if a messenger had come knocking at her door announcing the end of an era. She did not know what to mak of this premonition. She had no desire left for any new vistas life could possibly have in siore for her. Could there be something beyond the joys and sorows of this earth? Eternal sleep perhaps! Or a new dawn, beyond hopes and despair!
She sat up in bed, her eyes wide open, facing the east. The sky was gradually showing streaks of light which spread across its expanse.  but there was still time for the perfect sunrise. She went out, washed herself and returned to face the new day.
She found the door of her cottage thrown wide open, indicating the presence of someone who had probably entered in while she was away. As she stepped in cautiously, she found herself face to face with Yajnyawalkya!
The word escaped from he mouth; unknown to he, she uttered his name. He heard it in the silence of the dawn. Without a word, he moved forward and held her close to his heart. She could feel his heart pounding close to her. There was no other sound her ears could receive in that silence. It was the end of all joys  and sorrows, but it was not sleep. Her soul was awake as never before. She would never want to fall asleep hereafter.
He could feel her breath in ecstasy, escaping and returning to proclaim the eternity of that moment. The rest of the world was absent. There was no world outside the two of them and nothing of the world could enter inside them. For an interminable moment they absorbed each other; it was nothing else but the feel of each other's presence in their breath and the sound of each other's heart beats heard in the depth of the silence.
When she disengaged herself from his clasp to look at him, she was overwhelmed by his presence. Her vision failed her and she swooned in his arms. When she came around, he was supporting and fanning her to bring her back to consciousness.  She was stable enough now to look at him. He knew , she would not speak. He stroked her head and ran his fingers through her hair.
"I know, you did not want to see me, " he said fearfully.
She closed her eyes, as if to take him in completely. "I have no need to look at you now," she said.
There was silence all around as she said this.
He watched her frail body as she held herself away from him, reluctant to be shielded and supported by him. She was shivering from the memory of the days gone by. He looked out of the window. There was mist in the sky, which seemed to prolong the night. After a few moments there was a moonbeam streaming in from the window, which made him realize, it was not mist, but a cloud which had covered the full moon, and had now floated away. The moonlight fell on her and revealed her countenance. She looked like a swan that had dipped its wings to alight on the banks of water after a long and tedious flight. The sky looked on ironically, asking the cloud, "When will you rain?"
She was sitting at a distance from him, clutching the end of her garment. She let go of it when she felt his eyes studying her quietly. She stirred uneasily. Her eyes were dimly lit with desire. He wanted to soak her in; her silent renunciation of everything that belonged to her was painful. It hurt him. The words of a prayer learnt in childhood, echoed back in his mind as he watched her.

'All this that we see,
Needs to be inhabited by Him.
Whatever lives in the living beings,
Indeed belongs to Him.
Take therefore, only that
Which He reserves for you
After He has had His share of it.'

What did he have in reserve for her now? Was he God to feed her on what remained after the fire had consumed the life out of the offering?

To be contd.

Chapter 67 contd.

Artabhaga was watching her expectantly. he would have gladly slipped out at that moment to let her face herself. He silently asked to be forgiven for causing her agitation. She was agitated, to be sure.
She said, "Abandon Yajnyawalkya? How can I?You could as well have asked if I had abandoned my breath!"
Artabhaga said, "If I have heard you right, you had a grudge that Yajnyawalkya has answers for everyone except you. If I say that Yajnyawalkya is seeking an answer from you, what would you say?"
Maitreyi made no reply. Her silence was pulsating with a deep understanding of herself. She looked up at Artabhaga. He could not make out if it was gratitude, diffidence, distrust, or all of these, reflected in her eyes.
She said, "He had no questions. That was what made him what he was. People called it knowledge."
Artabhaga aondered whether she spoke out o distrust. He asked, "Do you not think that those who have have no questios? Or, is it not that those who ask no questions, find the path to knowledge?"
Maitreyi reflected on it. Artabhaga was speaking more to himself than to her. The question was asked in the context of Yajnyawalkya, but had grown larger than its context. Artabhaga regretted being so incisive, especially at a moment when she was wavering betwen denial of the self and recognition of what what she was : to herself and to Yajnyawalkya! Probablyshe had come to him to recover the truth she had lost about herself which was now perhaps beyond hope of recovery. Somehow, he was not able to strike the right chord.
He said, "I am sorry to pose the question in this abstruse manner. Please ignore what I said. There is a vast difference in our world of experiences. You have seen Yajnyawalkya's 'aloneness'; I have seen his strength. In fact, his strength is rooted in his 'aloneness' "
Maitreyi said, "What you see as his strength, is something I have seen from the inside."
After a pause sh said, "He has been harsh to himself."
Artabhaga said, "Do not let him be hash to himself, both to himself and to the world. He wants your answer, but does not state the question."
Artabhaga did not say what he really wanted to say :"For his sake, give up your pride. On his part, it is not pride which is restraining him from asking for love. He is holding himself back from the most precious gift that life is holding out to him."
What Artabhaga could bring himself to say was , "Maybe, it's his way of doing penance."
Maitreyi was hurt as if she had heard him pronounce a verdict. She said, "Penance? Why should he be penitent? For the sake of those who would wound themselves because they could not wound him? Or for the sake of those who would not let him be his own self because they could not find their own?"
Artabhaga was struck by her fury. He realized the futility of having to use language when what they really needed was to listen to each other's meaning hidden behind the spoken word.
He said, "Yajnyawalkya needs to etreat. Why don't you understand? You are bound to him by the same chord of life which runs though his soul. You know it full well. You know very well that if it comes to it, he can sustain himself without you or without anyone for that matter. But his aloneness will not bring him strength this time, if he retreats wiyhout you."
Maitreyi covered her face. The space seemed to close in on her. With every breath she was being enveloped by the living presence of Yajnyawalkya.
The river widened its expanse and broke the dam. The river had to found its path.
Artabhaga got up quietly and left her to herself. 

Chapter 67 contd.

Contd after...'he saw a whole universe of emotions whirling into a vortex......

Maitreyi was looking at the ground meditatively. She was almost inaudible as she said, "Yajnyawalkya holds answers for everyone, but not for me."
Artabhaga was straining to hear her. He gave up the effort and preferred to hear by the tone of her voice. It was a forlorn voice which seemed to carry a load of forbearance. He felt uneasy to be witness to her constraints which would not let her break the silence. She closed her eyes to retreat completely.
She spoke with her eyes closed, "No one knows, Yajnyawalkya is the son of deserts. It's his destiny to quench the thirst of others. But no one knows that his soul has never found a shelter."
Artabhaga wanted her to go on. But he knew she would not unless she was prodded to. In order to elicit a response he said, "I don't agree. Yajnyawalkya is an inexhaustible source of knowledge for others. He would never be in need of shelter. "
As soon as he said this he knew that he was uttering half-truth. He watched for her response.
Maitreyi smiled. She did not contradict him. She had opened her eyes now. There were dreamy, hazy memories in her eyes. She said, "Do you believe in auguries?
 I do. Sometimes they speak to you of things you cannot see on your own. I had seen Yajnyawalkya in my dream even before I  married him. It was an arid landscape, a vast stretch of sands before I arrived at a sanctum that stood alone in the desert. Inside I saw Yajnyawalkya sitting alone. We did not speak because we had not expected to find anyone there. I recognized him as the person seen in that dream when we saw each other at the time of our marriage.'.
Atrabhaga listened with absolute stillness in his heart, ready to be content with whatever he could gather.
Maitreyi continued, "That was a forevision of our life : a sanctum in a desert, where we entered , not of our own accord, and were destined to remain : two entities who did not speak because we had a foreknowledge of each other."
Maitreyi was silent again. Artabhaga did not know how to resume the conversation for want of reinforcement. He was thinking of Maitreyi and Yajnyawalkya together for the first time in the course of his two visits to the hermitage.
The sun was stooping lower in the sky, and the banyan tree had started to cast long shadows in anticipation of evening. Sitting there on the periphery of the hermitage Artabhaga watched the shadows playing around Maitreyi.
A deep shadow moved up with the decline of the sun and rested at her feet. The sunlight was now sloping at an angle and giving a light tinge to her hair. Without looking at her directly, Artabhaga absorbed her presence : trustful like the shadows playing around her feet and guileless like the sunlight falling upon her hair!
Artabhaga thought with a little amusement: if Yajnyawalkya belonged to the deserts, she belonged to the shadows of the forests, two lives as unlike each other as the sun and the shade, and yet as inseparable as them.
He smiled unwittingly. Maitreyi looked at him in surprise.
Artabhaga said. "There was something in you that had got twisted into a knot. I want you to come clear of it. May I ask you a blunt question? "
Maitreyi eyed him quickly. She said, "Go ahead. I don't mind."
Artabhaga asked, "Have you abandoned Yajnyawalkya?"
Maitreyi awoke with his question. She remembered her own words uttered in the past when she intended to resolve Yajnyawalkya's vacillation between priesthood and home. Standing at the threshold of the sanctum of of their home, she had said, "I have come to release you!"
Little did she realize at that time that her act of releasing him could be seen as abandonment.! She realized that Yajnyawalkya had come full circle. Release beyond a certain point could mean abandonment.

  

Chaper 67 contd. afte He realized that she needed to talk....

Contd.
Maitreyi looked at him with the memory of what had transpired between them in his previous visit which was as unforeseen as the present one. Without trying to hide her knowledge of the peculiar bonding that was forming between them, she said, "If Yajnyawalkya trusts you, you are not an intruder."
Artabhaga said,"I shall be an intruder still if you don't trust me."
Maitreyi hesitated. There was an invisible barrier beyond which truth waited. She said, "I trust Yajnyawalkya."
Artabhaga looked at her in a surprise. He wondered what held her back then from Yajnyawalkya.
Artabhaga said, with a view to extending the conversation, "Last time I came here with questions. This time I have come to surrender the answers to you. "
Maitreyi exclaimed, "To me?"
Artabhaga said, "Yes, to you. Last time I articulated my doubts, fears, hatred, distrust, everything. I had unburdened myself to you as if I was addressing Yajnyawalkya. Now I know, you held the answers, but wanted me to get them from Yajnyawalkya. "
Maitreyi appeared to be lost in a world that had no co-relation with what he was saying. Her silence drew his attention. It struck him with a sudden clarity that they had moved away into different orbits. She was not the woman he had seen in his earlier visit to the hermitage. Last time he could not state his  questions to her. She had to draw them out of his silence. And she had done it with the exactness of the marksman hitting  the target simply by following the direction of the sound. He had refrained from alluding to the circumstances in which Shakalya had died. But she seemed to know the meaning of everything.
He remembered  how in his last visit she had drawn his scattered energies back to the centre without straining for words. But the woman who was sitting before him now, did not seem to make any sense out of what he was saying to her. She was least aware that she had directed his quest to Videha and perhaps also back to the hermitage.
But Maitreyi had caught only the word Yajnyawalkya and her soul responded with a silent eloquence.  Artabhaga looked at her eyes and realized that nothing else had mattered to her at that moment except Yajnyawalkya. Artabhaga felt a life-time throbbing under the silence, waiting to speak in response to a single word : Yajnyawalkya. In that one moment he saw a whole universe of emotions whirling into a vortex, at the centre of which was Yajnyawalkya.

To be contd    

Chapter 67

Artabhaga was sitting in the sprawling shadow of an old banyan tree behind the cottage. Leaning against its trunk was like choosing to get lost into an unknown by-lane of an ancient village. He wondered how deep and far-flung its roots must be  beneath the soil. There was no trace of the heat of the sun in the shade where he was sitting. He looked around. It was a blazing noon as he looked up and saw the sky above the tree.
Artabhaga wondered what knowledge the blazing sun had of this ancient tree in the courtyard. The sun and the tree seemed to hide a secret knowledge of each other, knowing well that they were not going to see each other in the darkness of the night. The tree was held between the sky and the soil. Artabhaga recollected one of his favourite fantasies of childhood : a fantasy which gave wings to trees! He laughed as he remembered how, in his imagination, he would think of what a flying tree could do to humans. After that weird , but hilarious excursion into the world of the impossible, Artabhaga would return to reality and thank the almighty that he did not allow such a disastrous world to take shape.
The banyan tree which held a shadow over him at that moment, seemed to laugh in a whispering voice and say to him, "Now you know why you hate to let your roots penetrate the soil. What are roots to a tree--a support, or eternal bondage?  It takes tremendous peace and understanding, my dear, to be born a tree. And you talk about its shade!"
Artabhaga came to himeself with the sound of the swaying top of the tree and reminded himself that fantasies don't speak the truth. "But they don't lie either," he said to himself.
Just as he was thing of leaving he saw Maitreyi coming in his direction. He stood up and stayed where h was, feeling like an intruder upon her territory. A strong beam of the mid-day sun caught her eye as she came near. She quickly shaded he eyes. When she approached him she was out of the range of the blinding sunlight. He could watch the play of light and shadow around her as she stood there. He could not presume anything and therefore thought it untimely to say anything.
He could still feel the presence of Yajnyawalkya's son in her aura. He remembered the way she had monitored the boy's movements when Artabhaga had visited the hermitage earlier.
he watched her with a guarded silence,  careful not to betray any sign of a critical evaluation of hr predicament. he knew, she was not shy, but she was certainly proud and reticent.
He greeted her and looked around to see if he could make the space comfortable for he. She smiled to put him at ease. Without resorting to any preliminaries, she asked him, "I'm sure it is not by way of chance that you have accompanied Yajnyawalkya."
Artabhaga did not know whether the remark was meant to be an affront. He was not yet familiar with the nuances of her speech. However the statement was made with no allowance  for contradiction. He realized quickly the import of it. In her circumstances it could not be dismissed as casual, light sarcasm. He could not lie. At the same time, accepting the statement would mean causing offence to her pride. Thinking that an honest answer was better than a lie, he said, "It was Yajnyawalkya's wish that I should acompny him."
After a pause he said, "I visited him in Videha after leaving your hermitage." She listened quietly. Then she sat down on a boulder in the shade of the tree and signalled him to sit down. Though feeling a bit uncertain, he complied.
Maitreyi watchd him curiously. He was trying to regain composure under her inquiring gaze. After a moment or two she broke the silence.
"When I knew the truth, there was no point in eliciting it from you. Please do not feel uncomfortable."
Aryabhaga looked at her He felt that it was she who needed to feel comfortable. He looked here and there for a while. He realized that she needed to talk.

To be contd. 

Chapter 66

Katyayani met Maitreyi in the courtyard of a cottage situated at the farthest end of the hermitage where none but Katyayani and her son had an access. Katyayani looked at Maitreyi closely for the first time after Katyayani had returned from Videha. Time ha dleft it indlible mark on Maitreyi. Katyayani felt something giving way to a vague undefined fear.
She sat down near maitreyi, and holding her hand, stroked it gently. She was startled to find how unresponsive Maitreyi was to the touch of her hand! Katyayani sat there speechless. Her presence failed to produce any vibration of communication from  Maitrreyi. Katyayani caressed Maitreyi's face and her hand came to rest on Maitreyi's cheek. The skin under Maitreyi's eyes and on the cheek had gone dry.
Katyayani said, "Let me kiss away the scars left behind by the atrocities of time."
Ther was no sign of any fervour as Maitreyi replied , "How can you, when he is the cause of my bleeding wounds?"
"He who has the right to hurt also has the right to heal too!" said Katyayani.
Maitreyi turned to look back at Katyayani and looking straight into hr eyes, challenged her : "Is it so? Would you accept it if I say that she whose duty it was always to heal, can once in he life demand her right to hurt?"
Katyayani staed at her in surprise. She stared at Maitreyi's dour face which had concealed her pain all along. Katyayani shrank away with a sense of guilt, although there was no reason for it. Trying to overcome a sense of helplessness, she made an effort to say, "He has come home to you Maitreyi; take him in!"
"Ihave long since ceased to dwell thee where he ha scome back, thinking it is his home he has come back to."
"Trust the voice, not mine, but your own. Seek him out in the depth of your being! You will find him ther, rooted in you! He had neither left nor come back; he was there with you always."
"Alas, it is late, becauee my soul no longer keeps the house where he dwelt."
"Think again, Maitreyi. This is no war; w are all pilgrims of unknown destinations."
"Then as a pilgrim, I have the freedom to choose my destination."
"And pray, what is th destination you have chosen?"
"I am not in a hurry to choose. It is not in my sight yet. Perhaps it will be a place where I may want to end my quest, choosing not to go any furthe."
Katyayani dropped Maitreyi's hand which she had been holding so long, realizing that Maitryi was not responsive to her touch or presence.  Katyayani reflected on the  predicament. She wsuddenly remembered Maitreyi's words : "Facing him is easier than facing myself."
Even in the midst of the gloom that had set upon Maitreyi, Katyayani was happy to findthat Maitryi had foundthe strength to face herself, and moreover, had found the language to articulate that strength.
Katyayani was about to leave Maitreyi to herself. She stood up and looked at her again before finally making up her mind to leave. Then, with a sudden unpremeditated gesture of wrath , she turned and held Maitreyi's face in her cupped palms and forced her to confront. She poured her words relentlessly into Maitreyi's ears : "Listen O woman, you do not understand what is happening to you. You have allowed the venom to vitiate every atom of your consciousness. You are not your own self. You are not even a shadow of your former self. You are willfully and perversely surrounding yourself by darkness. This is not something I had expected to find when I asked you to face yourself. For a moment I deluded myself into thinking that you have found your strength. I was wrong! Wake up O woman; Wake up to light. End this prolonged dark night. You do not know what you are doing to yourself. "
Having spoken thus, Katyayani sat at Maitreyi's feet and looking up at her beseechingly, said,"You have the right to hurt, Maitreyi. But do you know who is getting hurt? You are hurting yourself and hurting me by doing so."
Maitreyi came to hrself. She looked at Katyayani. Katyayani rested her head in Maitreyi's lap like a child seeking assurance. Maitreyi held her close and whispered, "I will try; I'll try not to hurt."
Katyayani held Maitreyi's hand gently. Both stood up, supporting each other. The sky was dark now, but peaceful. 

Chapter 66 contd

They did not know that Artabhaga had arrived there long back and had listened to almost the whole of the conversation on the Gayatri mantra and was there witness he happy summing up.
Artabhaga remembered the tempestuous , futile and wordy combats among the scholars in Videha over 'Brahma'. He said to himself, "Academies produce scholars, but not a sage like this child and his father."
Artabhaga got up, and before Yajnyawalkya could become aware of his presence, left the sanctum briskly. In the sultry summer noon shadows had shrunk into themlves. Thee wa still an empty space to be filled in. Artabhaga wished he had the power to decide what that empty space was going to hold.
Looking at the summer foliage timidly breaking into shades of pink and green, he was seized by a new surge of life. Nothing belonged to him in this new world where Yajnyawalkya had brought him, and yet he belonged to all of it. This soft longing had begun to hold him down to the soil.
His mission, if it could be called a mission, was fulfilled; and yet he knew, it was only in the outward form. He felt he was like a narrator of a saga that defied narration.
Unlike Videha, there were no questions, no doubts, and therefore no seeking after answers. Everything seemed to flow  with the tide of time without complaint. Yet somewhere at the heart of it something had frozen.

Chapter 65

After Yajnyawalkya's meeting with his disciples was over, Katyayani met him in the courtyard of their cottage.
Yajnyawalkya looked around as he washed his hands and feet, and asked Katyayani to send for Maitreyi. Katyayani gave him a searching look. Then instead of complying with his wish, she said,"Do you know why I came to Videha? Not to beg, but to reclaim you for Maitreyi's sake. Do you think she would deign to let the world know what she was going through?
You are a free spirit, we know. But you are not a dreamer either. You wanted to break free of us not because you wanted to chase some vague dream. You wanted to shirk your reponsibility."
Yajnyawalkya stopped her because he anticipated an angry outburst of pent up grievances expressed in a distorted form. He said, "Katyayani, we have plenty of time on our hands to talk about all that, but not now. Right now, do as I say. I want to see Maitreyi."
Katyayani gave him a furious look and said, "And what if I refuse to obey your command?" Yajnyawalkya realised that he had indeed come home. He smiled, but said nothing. Katyayani looked at him, speechless with anger; then abruptly turned  and went away.
Yajnyawalkya's son had been watching him from a corner. Once Katyayani was out of sight he came forward shyly. Yajnyawalkya noticed his movement and smiled at him reassuringly. There was still a great deal of estrangement between them. His son could sense it with his child's instinct. He had never seen anybody deal with Katyayani with such confidence of authority. He did not know if he liked it or not. But there was something very deeply truthful about this man who was his father. The boy had an innate wisdom which enabled him to see the difference between the true and the untrue, and by now, he was sufficiently familiar with his father's good-humored and non-chalant ways. But still, he was not quite sure as to how his father would react if he knew that his son was witnessing his predicament. So he smiled a if he had just arrived on the scene and seen nothing. Yajnyawalkya could see through his childlike sagacity and was deeply satisfied to find an eager, untainted potential learner watching him curiously.
He held his hand cheerfully as  they walked towards the interior of the cottage. Yajnyawalkya asked, "Did you have your meal, my son?"
"No I was waiting for you to come home," said the boy.
Yajnyawalkya sat down, with his son besid him. They wathd each other without saying anything, as if  they were trying to locate some lost sign of recognition. The boy had omething of Katyayani in him. Yajnyawalkya wondered what it was : her eyes, complexion, forehead, and noe! Perhaps all of thoe things!
The boy was watching his father and wondering with his childlike curiosity: "What are  the things that make a father "father"? Is it the warmth of his body as he holds you against him" Is it the freshness of his clothes?Is it a sense of asurance as he caresses you?
Is it the playful gentleness of his voice? Is it the wistful longing in his eyes as he tells you the story of Gayatri?
Yajnyawalkya thought, a father cannot easily locate his own image with his own eyes, in his son. The image of the mother staes from the son's eyes so asertively as to obliterate all traces of father. Besides, there wa something of Maitreyi, very prdominantly felt in the demeanor of the boy. Who was his mother, Katyayani, or Maitreyi?
The boy however, had no need for external signs to accept Yajnyawalkya as his father. He had acepte him trutfully.
Yajnyawalkya felt that though the physical appearance of the boy seemed to have a foetal connection with Katyayani, it was Maitreyi who seemed to occupy his mind and heart.
Yajnyawalkya had to perform his obeisance to Gayatri at this hour of the day. As he got ready with all the requisites for the ritual his son watched him intently.
Yajnyawalkya chanted the mantra in a deep, low-intensity voice, aware of his son's watchful presence.
His son asked him, "Your voice sounds different when you chant the Gayatri mantra. Why is it so?"
Yajnyawalkya was surprised by this observation, because it was something that had not struck him before. He did not answer. After a moment, he drew his son close to him, and looking deeply in his eyes he said,"Do you want to know? I'll tell you how, but not why! Gayatri mantra is beyond all reasoning and causation."
His son looked at him for clarity. Yajnyawalkya said, "I cannot explain why my voice sounds different when I chant Gayatri mantra. But I can tell you how it acquires its unique sound. Come here, " and he drew him still closer. He said, "We feel and understand the world with our five sense. Do you know what they are?"
His son said, "Yes, I speak with my tongue, hear with my ears, see with my eyes, feel with my skin and smell with my nose."
Yajnyawalkya said, "Right! Now I'll tell you about how the sound of my voice reaches you. There is Akasha, ether, surrounding us. It carries the sound of the mantra as it is uttered by me to you who are listening. But when I chant the Gayatri mantra, it is a lot more than a mere sound which you receive with your ears. What was the first sound that you received when I chanted the Gayatri mantra?"
"It was 'AUM" said his son.
Yajnyawalkya said,"Aum is the first sound, born when the Creator breathed life into the world. 'AUM" is the sound whih indicates the beginning of the vibration of life after the stillness begins to breathe and stir."
His son asked, "What is stillness?"
Yajnyawalkya said,"Stillness is when there is no movement, no vibration; and when no vibration, there is no sound. That is stillness."
His son listened intently. Yajnyawalkya said, "At this moment you are still, because your breath is suspended for a fraction of a moment, though you do not know it. That is the moment for Aum to enter your mind and start a vibration there. The vibration is the repetition of the vibration with which this universe took on life. All of us : you, me and everyone : carry a memory of that first stillness in the deepest cavern of our mind. 'Aum' is the syllable with which Gayatri mantra begins, and 'Aum' has its home in our memory of that first stillness. That stillness had ended with the first sound : 'Aum' : which was uttered in this universe of ours. The same act of ending stillness is repeated when I utter 'Aum'. I create a vibration; you receive it; an your stillness ends. There is nothing else between us in this act of creation and reception except the knowledge, the awareness, of life in us. That life is the life which was breathed into the universe with the first sound of 'Aum'. "
Yajnyawalkya's son listened; he was speechless. His father was transporting him to a world of imagination where there were no words with their clusters of meanings, only stillness breaking into an awaeness of itself.; life coming into being with just a unique, vibrating sound! He did not realize that his father was taking him into a world of pure time. He had crossed the threshold, leaving language far behind.
Yajnyawalkya wayched him protectively. There was a peaceful joy on his face. Yajnyawalkya  blessed that joy. His son looked at him and smiled purely. There was a look of recognition in the eyes of both as Yajnyawalkya responded with a smile
Yajnyawalkya stroked his head gently and said, "See, my voice takes on the pure joy of producing a pure sound. That is how it is different from the sound of my ordinary speaking voice.", and he embraced his son warmly.
To be contd.  

Chapter 64

Yajnyawalkya's return filled the hermitage with expectancy and a groping uncertainty. A hitherto lost horizon was suddenly in sight and everyone was determined to see that the harbour would stay  in place and not get washed away.
Yajnyawalkya was alive to the vibrant expectancy of his pupils. They would not let him be by himself for the fear that they may lose him again. He knew that for the time being they were least interested in any kind of an academic prologue; they simply wanted to be assured of his presence. They waited upon him anxiously, anticipating every small wish of his., and eagerly fulfilling it before he could utter a word.
Katyayani was her own self again after a lapse of more than a decade. She assumed her strident commanding tone and admonished the pupils for their excessive, exuberant, and almost suffocating attention showered on Yajnyawalkya.
On an afternoon, Yajnyawalkya decided to meet all the pupils together. They gathered and sat before him in a receptive mood. Yajnyawalkya looked around: eager faces, bated breaths, every sound suspended: the very air had assumed the role of ears!
Yajnyawalkya felt the futility of human language in an hour like this. Love enveloped him and asked, "How can you fail to remember me? Here I am to take you in: throw open your arms and meet me. Nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change for love; for love transcend time!"
It was youth and zest for life everywhere. Yajnyawalkya knew they were not bothered about the metaphysical meaning of Brahma. The purity of youth, in all its innocence, shone upon their faces. He could feel the presence of a subtle fragrance of an unknown origin in the air around him. Of all the joys that are offered to the life of the body by the senses, fragrance alone defies human control. You can create and control music, but not fragrance, and this fragrance encompassed everything: sight, sound, touch and all of his being. It was the fragrance of love: love, simple and pure!
Yajnyawalkya waited for someone to speak and ease the burden for him. None spoke for the fear of missing the first word from their Master who had been lost to them for long.
Yajnyawalkya spoke: "My beloved pupils, I am here for you. Ask me whatever you want to ask."
Then after a pause, one of the youngest of the lot said, "We ask you to stay with us..."
Someone prompted..."As long as you can"
Someone shouted, "No, forever!"
Then everyone joined in a chorus: "Yes, forever; we want you to be forever!"
Yajnyawalkya had returned to a different world; whether he considered it his own or found himself alienated still, nobody knew. The moment demanded that he be 'here and now'. What is meditation if not this awareness of being 'here and now'? Where is 'now'? Is it 'here', or 'there' , or everywhere'?
What was he going to tell them?
They seemed to understand more than what he could tell them. Could he tell them that the scholars and sages in Videha had sought his blood for not showing them Brahma? Could he tell them that a king chose to hand over his crown to him and preferred to call himself a pauper because his wealth was not the riches of the kingdom, but his self?
Could he tell them that their joy in here and 'now' was all that mattered to him in this moment? They were not looking to him for the great answer that had eluded all sages. They simply wanted to draw him into the joy of 'here and now'; and without realizing it, they were answering everything, every question that they had intended to ask.

Chaper 63

It was a lazy afternoon and the hermitage was basking in the peace that had descended everywhere after the return of Yajnyawalkya . Maitreyi was resting by herself in the backyard when the little son saw her and came running to her excitedly. He threw his arms around her and kissed herquickly on the cheek. Then disengaging himself, he looked at her, beaming with a secet.
Maitreyi asked, "What has come over you?"
He said, "Father has told me a secret."
"What is it?"she asked.
"I was not supposed to tell you; but here " I've already told you."
"Come on! Out with it! There is nothing wrong in sharing a secret with your mother," she said.
"Father told me the story of Gayatri and said that you are Gayatri."
Maitreyi listened with all her heart. The boy continued, "He said, that Gayatri is worshipped by all. But she reveals herself to very few. Even to those few , she appears only for a momentand vanishes. I saidto him that it's all right in a story and that too for a deity, but not true of my mother. She can't vanish. I can see her before my eyes all the time."
What did he say then?" asked Maitreyi cautiously.
"He laughed and said that I didn't know you as well as he did; that you can vanish. Besides, he said that you are not there when everyone thinks you are there and that you are there when everyone thinks you ae not around."
Maitreyi suppressed her smile and looked around; then drawing her son closer she said in a whisper, "And what did he say?"
The boy said, "Why don't you ask me what I said?"
Maitreyi tewaked his ear and said, "Oh, I am sorry! What did you say?"
"I said that he was making up stories to fool me/ I can't be cheated , especially about you. I said, my mother can't perform miracles. And even if I agree with you and say that she vanishes, she can't disappear in the thin air; she must have a place to hide."Maitreyi couldn't help laughing. It was the first time she laughed after Yajnyawalkya's return.
"Can I ask now what he said?" she said in the midst of laughter.
"He said that you hide in his heart," said the boy.
Maitreyi passed the palm of her hand across the boy's mouth to stop him from saying anything further and looked around quickly to see if there was somebody listening. There was none except the two of them and the sultry summer afternoon.

Chapter 62

Katyayani saw Yajnyawalkya returning to the hermitage after his bath. She hurried to catch up with him and met him in the courtyard. She looked at him, earnestly seeking his attention. He understood and followed her into the cottage.
When they were by themselves, she opened up.
"I've been waiting for you to ask about Maitreyi. I don't know what kind of stubbornness is preventing you from facing each other. I can't wait longer. Can't you see that she has created a sheath around herself? Inside she is seeking her own shadow! An impossible task! She cannot see her shadow unless she exposes herself to the sun."
Yajnyawalkya brooded over her word. In his hour of discontent, long ago, as his mind and soul had turned bitter by the blows of life, he had repulsed everyone. He circumambulated the whole world after leaving his household to the care of providence.. But Maitreyi, it seemed, was still nailed to the spot at which he had left her, standing in the doorway of the sanctum, saying, "I have come to release you."
Finding no response from Yajnyawalkya, Katyayani paused. But Yajnyawalkya was silent. So she went on : "Go and talk to her. Seek her out. I need not tell you what you need to do."
There was silence still. Katyayani glared at him and said, "What did you learn and teach all these years? I am not asking for enlightenment. We are asking for simple love; a word which I can utter easily, but Maitreyi can't."
Just as she said this and was about to leave disdainfully, she ran into Artabhaga who was about to enter, not aware that she was there with Yajnyawalkya inside the room. She did not know if he had caught her last words; but he turned back abruptly and went out in another direction. 

Chapter 61 contd. after : "I don't want you to change your path because I came in your way." She stepped aside to make way for him.

In the dark hour before dawn Yajnyawallkya did not know if it was anger, or love masked as anger. Both moved away from each other to go their own ways.
Yajnyawalkya resisted the temptation to turn around for another glimpse of her. Strangely, he remembered the words of his father long back, when as a child he had walked beside him to the fields once., in the early hours of dawn.
His father had pointed to the faint light on the horizon and said,"You have never been awake at night, waiting and waiting for the dark to end and the sun to show up. It's a very deceptive hour."
"Why?" asked Yajnyawalkya.
"Because you catch a hint of light and take it to be the moment of sunrise. But the sun is a long way to come. That hour is called the false dawn. It's difficult to stay awake in that hour. You fall asleep and miss the real, glorious sunrise!"
Little Yajnyawalkya had said, "No, I don't want to miss it. I'll always remember not to fall asleep before sunris; I mean the real one!"
In that early hour of morning as he walked ahead, Yajnyawalkya laughed to himself, wondering if he was past the false dawn and waiting for the real sunrise that his father had once described.